Issue with Pets

[athomas]

Before we were married, my wife found cats on Craigslist, to shorten the story they came un-neutered and we were lied to about this. So obviously they pee all over stuff, and I can understand why my wife is upset about this. BUT she doesn't care why they're doing it, she just "wants them out." I have more of a conscience than she does about this sort of thing. Her options are, kick them out the front window (we're in a third story apartment) or get animal control to come get them, which means they're put down. I'm not letting them die just because I'm having issues getting them to the vet to get fixed.

She doesn't want to listen to what I have to say, and freaks out any time I stick up for them, when in reality I'm trying to explain it to her, genetically, why they are the way they are. They were not properly socialized as kittens, and they were neglected, and possibly abused - and they're not neutered. So of course they're afraid of us, and they pee everywhere to mark territory.

But I'm apparently wrong.

How do I fix this!!!

[someoneoutthere]

Have you looked for anything like a "Cause for Paws"? They neuter super cheap. I think it will calm them down if they get snipped.

[athomas]

It's not an issue about that, I'm having issues getting them into a crate. But when I went and got a crate and some urine remover, and some things for the cats to have fun with, I'm "putting them first again." According to her. She was about to leave me last night because of it. She thinks it's me putting them first, which is not the case. I mean, she shouldn't have gotten them if she hates cats, not like I kept going on and on about it. If this were a dog doing the same thing, we wouldn't be talking about this.

[nurseatheart]

Hi there athomas,

Perhaps this boils down to the fact that you are an animal lover and she isn't (I don't call fair weather animal owners animal lovers - if you know what I mean). I would ask her if she can come to a compromise with you regarding the cats. I think that if you explain to her that you aren't putting the cats first, that you can't needlessly end their lives because she has an issue with them. If you can get them neutered in a timely fashion and get the urine smell out of the things they are "marking", I don't see that there should be too much problem.
Personally I am a dog lover and am allergic to cats, but even I (who grew up hating cats because every time I got near one I would end up hospitalized with asthma) would be sceptical of a relationship where someone would take a stand that essentially boils down to allowing an animal to suffer because you weren't willing to do something. If she can not get past this issue, or makes it such a big deal and you give in to her - what does that say for your values? On the other hand, simply the fact that she would prefer to put an animal to sleep because it peed on her belongings - what does that say about her values - and how does that fit in with your relationship?

I wish you luck.

Nurse

[athomas]

Thanks for the reply, yeah her values seem to be out of place, yes I understand they're not human, "they're just cats," but they're living, misunderstood creatures that need a simple operation and some loving. She doesn't want to hear any of it whatsoever, doesn't even want to hear me explain why they behave the way they do. Abused, neglected, not neutered, etc, she says it's not her fault - it's not theirs either.

I can't win this fight, and I will not have them killed just to make her stop (forgive my French) bitching. She wants nothing to do with them, and nobody will take the little guys without being neutered, and she won't even help me get them in a cage to have that done! She does NOTHING to help with them whatsoever.

[facetious]

Which one is the priority in your life, pets or wife?

[jerseygirl]

I think your wife lacks responsibility for her choices, and I applaud you for trying to do the right thing. You don't make a commitment to living creatures than turn them out or even worse, actually kill them, because they're not convenient any longer. Your wife made this commitment, she should live up to it and put the money out to get them neutered. I hate that the disposable society we live in now includes living things. People put more care and research into picking the right vacuum cleaner than they do their pet. I don't know how you even respect her, but please don't let her lack of ethics take yours down.