http://consciousloving.com/forums Relationship advice, articles and community forum focused on conscious loving, dating, marriage, self growth and conscious relationships en Thu, 09 Sep 2010 10:43:53 GMT vBulletin 60 http://consciousloving.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://consciousloving.com/forums http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19458&goto=newpost Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:21:14 GMT Hi :)
Hope everyone is well.
I havent' posted in a while because I've been trying to deal with my emotional issues all on my own and as a result, it's not going so well lol

My previous posts explain my long relationship. The reason I'm posting today is because I feel upset & hurt & don't know if those feelings are validated with what's going on in my life.

My ex bf broke up with me following Valentines Day. The week we broke up, we had a huge arguement b/c he left me stranded in the mall for hours (did not answer his phone, sent me to vm, etc). When I checked our phone bill there was a number he dialed after he dropped me off. I called & found out it was a girl (lets call her cindy).

Ok...several months after we broke up he said he wanted to start all over with a clean slate & I said "no, unless its exclusive. Think about it & we'll talk". He didn't seem to like the idea b/c he didn't contact me for a while after.

Several months following that convo, he began calling/texting me again but this time with "how r u" attempts. I ignored him until he got me in a weak moment & we talked b/c he asked if I ever wanted to see/talk to him again. He disappeared again. I found out he was seeing Cindy b/c he had taken her to meet his family and they all hung out (which hurt my feelings b/c I felt after 8 yrs, he had no respect for me).

No contact for a while. About 1 month ago, he contacted me to sign some documents that needed my signature. he asked me to have lunch with him so we had lunch & i signed the papers. Following that lunch, he was texting every other day & asking me out to hang. Even telling me his family misses me. I went along with the flow but with my guard up. We didn't kiss, hug, etc b/c I didn't open up. He tried but I rejected him.

Recently, last week, he stopped the texts/calls, cold turkey.I found that odd again but didn't put too much mind to it since I was still processing what had happened in the previous weeks.

Yesterday, after a week of no communication, he asks me to lunch. I get upset & tell him I can't make it (at this point I don't feel like playing games & feel hes had plenty of time to think to be stringing me along).
I asked him what does he want with me and he responds with " i'm looking in the lines of a relationship if not friendship". I was appalled that he had decided all of this without actually sitting down and speaking to me about how he feels & what he wants.

I tell him that we had this convo before & that I stand strong on what I said previously "that I want exclusivity & that if he could come to terms with that b/c I will not budge". He never answered back.

At the same time, I get some news that he's been sending love songs to Cindy & has been seeing her all along. I get really upset b/c I feel he's playing with my emotions. I know he's no longer my b/f but he is telling me he wants a relationship with me and at the same time trying to conquer cindy. I feel it's wrong on so many levels.

I would like to see what people's opinions are on this. Maybe I'm missing something here?????? ]]> Relationship Problems - Unmarried Ditzy http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19458 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19457&goto=newpost Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:41:45 GMT Not exactly sure what I'm doing here but I've been sitting on a secret for three and a half years and I need to tell someone and maybe get some input.
A little background: I'm 30 years old. Straight. Live in a little redneck town in the Sierras. I was married for 6 years, divorced after the wife decided she was more interested in her ex-boyfriends affection. The last 14 months of our marriage we had no intimate physical contact.
My current girlfriend and I were good friends for about two years before moving to dating and now living together. We have now been together for 39 months. I love her dearly and would like to spend the rest of my life with her. Although there is a major issue:
My girl suffers from a condition known as Lichen Sclerosus.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lichen_sclerosus
She was a virgin (in the antiquated term) when we started dating. Although she had been to OB/GYN's in the past for birth control and the regular checkups, she had never been diagnosed with the condition but it was known that her vaginal opening was extremely small. So small a q-tip would cause her extreme pain.
After a few attempts to have sex we were referred to a specialist and she was diagnosed as said above. The doctor recommended steroid creams, dilation, and frequent masturbation to overcome the issue. With time (year or more) there was a chance for her to have a normal sex life.
After 8 months she stopped the regiment prescribed by the doctors. She was unhappy with the uncomfortable feelings of the creams and she finds masturbation unappealing and generally wrong. (Her mom was quite the, ahem, slut when young and jumped on the faith wagon and brainwashed her daughter with the standard dogma)
I have stayed very involved with her condition. I am a member of message boards online for couples that are dealing with "L.S." as it is known. I've adapted my love making style to include more foreplay and other actions to make up for the lack of penetration. When I ask if she will continue the treatment or go back to the doctor for just a checkup, I am told that I should just be happy with "what we have." Even if we don't have sex, she needs to get the condition checked out regularly because it will eventually cause her to lose her ability to urinate, defecate, and worse. To hell with me, she needs to go just for her own health.
"What we have" is interesting. We can make out. She loves getting oral but will not return the gesture. The slightest hint of semen will send her gagging. Will give "hand jobs" but they are accompanied with her bored expressions and regularly her wrist gets sore/tired and I'm left wanting. I'm not allowed to masturbate. It hurts her feelings. So, I refrain as much as possible but once a month or so I can't resist.
I have not spoken of this situation to anyone. No friends or family. I've lied to my best friends for years about my sex life. The standard "guy talk" I guess. I realize its not their business but I can't be honest, its too embarrassing for her, and for me.
So, I guess the question I pose to you, good reader; what the hell should I do? I've not made love in almost four and a half years. I am incredibly lonely. I love this woman. The things I have done and continue to do for her should speak to that. Questions? Comments? Jokes? ]]> Conscious Loving and Sex melancholy_fireman http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19457 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19456&goto=newpost Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:40:57 GMT do you listen to your gut or do you wait it out?

He says he loves me, but his actions (when he's angry) say different. He doesn't get physically violent; to keep this brief, let's just say, "impatient" and "assumption" are his middle names. ]]> Relationship Problems - Unmarried Faye http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19456 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19455&goto=newpost Sun, 29 Aug 2010 02:38:40 GMT My bf went to meet his cousin for happy hour after work. The problem is that he didn't get home until 12AM. He gets off work at 7pm so i'm suspicious of him returning home at 12AM. He turned off his phone so I couldn't speak to him. I noticed that he shaved on one of his off days (he only shaves on certain weekdays). When he came home I noticed that he was wearing cologne. Why would he wear cologne to sit and chat with his male cousin? The whole thing just doesn't feel right and my mind is telling me that something's fishy. When he came home I told him how I felt and he seemed shocked that I felt this way. He swore that his battery died on his phone and that he wasn't doing anything wrong just out drinking with his cousin / buddy. On a side note, this cousin is always involved when he comes home late or doesn't call. This cousin throws parties and card games twice a month each time my bf goes, he comes home at 2 or 3AM and he never answers his phone. When I confront him, he always says "I was just having a good time." Am I being paranoid or am I being a fool? Thanks for reading. ]]> Relationship Problems - Unmarried Mrs. Jones http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19455 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19454&goto=newpost Sun, 22 Aug 2010 23:14:13 GMT I'm a single woman, and I'm really trying very hard to come to terms with that as a state of being. I've been struggling for years to accept that I'm not the girl men fall in love with. I'm the one they go to for help, support, and a sympathetic ear (and sex, that too) when things are going badly for them.

My brain has been able to come to terms with that, but my body isn't getting the memo. I've had enough of living in a state of perpetual sexual frustration. Getting laid once or twice a year (whenever I could trick myself into thinking that I might have found an actual relationship) was just not enough. Something has got to give

I get a lot of offers from men in open relationships, I don't know why exactly, but they all seem really anxious to sleep with me. I've always turned them down because, well, my pride doesn't do well with the idea of being the piece on the side. But like I said, this frustration was starting to cause problems with my concentration, my work, every other aspect of my life. So, when an ex of mine who is in an open relationship currently called me up and asked me out to dinner, I said sure. We had a nice evening, and it ended up in bed which is what we both had sort of expected. It was no good. I think I faked it enough not to hurt his pride, but still, I got nothing out of it, might as well have been a handshake.

I've had that experience when I've tried "casual" sex before. It just wasn't very good at all, but I assumed that it was a sexual chemistry thing. Either him, or me, or the combination of the two. But this time he was a known quantity, the sex was spectacular when we were together before.

So what gives? Am I just wired to not enjoy casual sex? Is there anything I can do about this?

Because the current state of affairs sucks and I don't know if I can handle it. ]]> Conscious Loving and Sex shrewprincess http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19454 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19453&goto=newpost Wed, 18 Aug 2010 18:31:19 GMT I've been discussing this with my buddy & we can't seem to come to an agreement...

If a girl has been cheated on quite a bit (say, the last 4/5 relationships she's been in), do you think she is less/more likely to cheat on someone? I figured she wouldn't because she knows the pain, & wouldn't want to put someone else through that & she would be more worried about being cheated on again instead. My friend seems to think that since she's been treated like that for so long, she would be more likely to revert back onto something she's familiar with.

I know this must seem silly, but it applies to my situation... Thoughts? ]]> Relationship Problems - Unmarried MountainMan http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19453 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19452&goto=newpost Mon, 16 Aug 2010 15:18:53 GMT Well it's a different issue, we got rid of the two demons, there was no hope for them, and we got a kitten about a month ago. He just turned 3 months on the 12th of August. But the problem is that he is constantly needing attention, so he keeps us up all night. I know from experience, and suggestions of others that getting a second kitten would help his problem of being lonely, but my wife won't hear it. She says I pay more attention to the current cat than to her, which is b/s. I know that if we had the second cat, we could shut them out of the bedroom and be able to sleep at night. But she won't let me! How do I do this? ]]> Relationship Problems - Married athomas http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19452 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19451&goto=newpost Thu, 12 Aug 2010 21:23:00 GMT ...& I can't get them out of my head. It's wonderful & horrible at the same time! I am so incredibly flustered & so happy at the same time! :huh: :D

Ahhh! How the heck can I make this go away? lol :D ]]> Life Questions MountainMan http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19451 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19450&goto=newpost Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:31:51 GMT Ready to call it quits. Since we have been married for 16 years, I did not consider divorce an option. This marriage had much more positive than negatives overall. However due to a breach of trust and lack of respect, I am moving towards the divorce process. Recently my husband had a vasectomy as we have two children, don’t want any more and are in our 40s. Less than a week after his procedure, he got rid of his birth control items. I was out of town when he had the procedure and... Ready to call it quits. Since we have been married for 16 years, I did not consider divorce an option. This marriage had much more positive than negatives overall. However due to a breach of trust and lack of respect, I am moving towards the divorce process.



Recently my husband had a vasectomy as we have two children, don’t want any more and are in our 40s. Less than a week after his procedure, he got rid of his birth control items. I was out of town when he had the procedure and trusted him to take care of the details. Well that was my mistake to trust him. He had not received clearance from the doctor that to have unprotected sex due to t he risk of pregnancy. He never once spoke of this to me.


This weekend I started having back pain and cramps. I assumed my period was starting. On Monday, I began to bleed and clot heavily. I was very confused as it did not feel like a normal period for me.

In the past I have suffered one miscarriage and this seemed similar. My husband’s reaction was to distance himself from me and complain about me being emotional. On a hunch, I went and took a blood test for pregnancy as I was not more than one week late ( my periods are not as regular as in my late 30s) and it was positive. I talked to my husband and got no response from him – dead silence.

In fact, he carried on his day like usual and offered no help to me in anything though I made it clear that I was in physical and emotional pain. When I went to look for the documents he brought home for the urologist, the documents were gone. He stated that he took them to work.


I feel like my value to him is little - he took a chance on my health, health of an unborn child and just went for his own gain. The last two days have been hell being ignored as I try to control or clean up bleeding and acting normal for our two children. He has never spoken one word about to me. I feel like I will just dissolve into tears or hysteria if I must be around him much longer.

Yes, I know that I am responsible also for this. I should have gone to the web or library instead of just relying on him.

Am I being over emotional or am I reading his cues about his regard for me well? ]]> Relationship Problems - Married sueq66 http://consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19450