In this series, you will find relationship counsel that is both simple and profound. We have worked with couples for over twenty years, and have lived within a committed marriage for over twenty four years. Through both personal and professional experience, we have come to realize some very important steps couples can take to bring more harmony to their relationship. They are deceptively simple. We happen to know that these steps, should you choose to practice them, can have profound affect on any relationship. With each step we have offered a simple practice to help you implement it. It is our greatest passion to facilitate deeper harmony with the couple relationship. We hope you enjoy learning about these practices and we wish you all the best in your journey of relationship.

In Spirit,
Louis and Ruthanne

Three Steps to a Happier Relationship; Simple Wisdom for Creating Harmony at Home

Much of what we most long for as humans is to be in relationship. It is, on an evolutionary level, what we have needed to survive. Our ancestors wouldn’t have made it very far without being in relationship, in family, in community. And while our basic survival needs are not quite so pressing as they once were, we are still ‘hard wired’ to be in relationship. Just turn on any radio station and listen to the lyrics of songs, or watch most movies or TV shows. They are all about relationships. Yet, relationships also provide some of our greatest challenges. When it comes to intimate partnerships or marriages, the promise of “happily ever after” is at times elusive when it comes to the day to day of living and loving with another person. It is often our primary partners that we struggle with the most. That’s right. The one we fell in love with, thought they were perfect and then began to experience how many things about them trigger us into uncomfortable feelings and reactions. They drive us crazy, they make us mad, and they make us feel things in ourselves that we would surely rather not.

The conflicts that arise are large and small. They happen in the day to day of living together and having different styles and habits. Challenges arise when we try to merge those styles. She is messy, he is neat. She likes loud music, he longs for quiet meditative space. We all know the basic feeling though. That “Ugh” inside of us when our partners have not behaved in the way that we wish them to. These feelings may arise in us many times a day leading to rampages in our own minds and to our spouses of “how many times have I told you . . . why don’t you listen . . . I hate that you won’t change”. Sound familiar? Oh yes. Living with someone guarantees that we will be challenged in these small ways frequently. Day to day irritations can bigger issues and lead to couples at war. All because he left the toilet seat up or she left her dirty clothes on the bedroom floor. What to do?

Then there are the bigger challenges: personal preferences, life style choices, basic personality styles. What happens when she longs to vacation in a luxury hotel in Hawaii and he longs to do a 10 day trip into the wilderness with nothing but a backpack. He spends freely and she is thrifty and cautious. He wakes early and she likes to sleep in on the weekend. She works 60 hours a week and he wants her home to enjoy more time with him. He needs lots of one on one time and attention or he feels abandoned, she has a need for space or she feels suffocated. He wants frequent lovemaking. She would rather knit? Any of this sound familiar? What are the things that you and your partner disagree about most often? Have you come to any resolution? Maybe so, and often not. There is no way to avoid differences and conflicts in a relationship. We learn and grow through the challenges that relationships bring us.

But these differences and conflicts can turn into all out warfare between partners and then one day, that person you fell in love with and thought was perfect has become the enemy. We firmly believe that is not necessary. There are some important things you can do every day that can lessen conflict, help you to get through it when it arises and to live together in a more harmonious and loving way.

Step One: Spend time connecting every day.

Step Two: Show appreciation every day.

Step Three: Stop the blame game.

We hope you have enjoyed this article and invite you to visit our website if you would like more information about how you can further work toward harmony at home.
or call 541-687-2835.
Wishing you joyful and harmonious relationship.
Louis and Ruthanne Carosio, Radiant Life Center

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