Dear Judith,

I have a big decision to make. I have been in relationship with a great guy for several years and we talked about getting married someday. He has always said that having children was very important to him. I didn’t really want children, but tried to be open to the idea since it was so important to him. As luck would have it, a few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I assumed my partner would be thrilled. However, his reaction has been very confusing to me. He expresses support with his words, but his actions make me feel like he has fled for the hills. He is suddenly working massive amounts of overtime and hardly ever is available to spend time with me. I feel abandoned and alone. I have tried to talk with him about how distant he is, but he doesn’t respond. We don’t live together and he hasn’t mentioned marriage. I don’t want to be a single mother. What should I do?

Doesn’t Want to Be a Single Mom

Dear Doesn’t Want to Be a Single Mom,

This is a critical, essential crossroads. I can certainly empathize with your distress! It is not uncommon for icy terror to strike when one is confronted with the prospect of sudden, unplanned, imminent parenthood, especially when the first steps of commitment and marriage have not taken place! This is a clarion call to assume the mantle of true adulthood — no more “child pretending to be grown-up” allowed!! This can be frightening even to those who believed they were consciously planning to become parents. As scary and difficult as it may be, you need to be crystal clear and direct with your partner. Open, honest, caring and kind communications are essential here! No threats or ultimatums, but the obvious fact is that decisions must be made NOW. And the ultimate decision is up to you to make, my dear. You are the one who will carry, birth, and either raise the child or relinquish it for adoption; or the one who will undergo an abortion.

He certainly should have ample opportunity to share in this decision, but you will carry the bulk of the responsibility. Professional help (therapist, social worker, counselor, or minister) for both of you might be the best choice to assist you both in clear, honest communication and decision making. Even if he won’t go, do get some wise and objective counsel for yourself immediately.

Blessings, Judith
Sincerely,

To submit a question to the Advice Columnist, send us an email to AdviceColumn@ConsciousLoving.com. We suggest you read Hints for Getting Your Advice Question Published.

Disclaimer: The advice on this blog is intended for informational, educational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing on this site should be construed as medical or psychiatric advice, nor is it a substitute for the care of licensed health professionals. In the event you use any of this advice for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

All original content on this site is copyrighted. Please contact us if you’d like permission to reprint anything. We are happy to share as long as prior request is made and full credit to the Author and ConsciousLoving.com is made.