I am relatively young, being 16 years old. I never thought that someone my age could fall in love, but last summer, I met a boy. He’s a year older than me, and when we first met, we talked for two and a half hours. We only got to talk for about two days. We exchanged emails and such, and for a while I thought that the feelings I had for him were returned. But lately, I haven’t been so sure. It’s so hard to tell when I can’t speak to him directly. I’m extremely confused, because I do believe that on my part, I have fallen in love, no matter how stupid that sounds to anyone. I want to ask him… but I’m not sure if I should. I could really use some advice.

Thanks.

A Girl In Need

Dear “Girl…,”

Feeling like you’ve fallen in Love is not stupid, dear one, but sometimes we mistake emotions and desires for someone with whom we’ve had a brief encounter (and lots of distance from) as love. Unconsciously, we build a fantasy relationship around a person who’s not available for a real, personal, in-the-flesh relationship. This often happens in internet/email correspondences, and, as you’ve acknowledged, it is really hard to tell what’s real, what’s mutual feelings, and what’s truth without seeing and talking to a person.

What to do? Arrange at least a phone conversation, talk about your interests, your activities, and ask about what is real and true in your Relationship. The only way you’re going to know anything is to have the courage to ask, to listen closely, and to explore the possibilities without collapsing into wishful thinking and fantasy. Be good to yourself and become involved in your own life in the present. Then, if there’s an opportunity for more of a relationship with this young man, you’ll have an interesting life of your own to share.

If there is no future with this guy, you’ll have an interesting life of your own to share with someone who IS available to you. Make sense? Hope so! Good luck!
Sincerely,

To submit a question to the Advice Columnist, send us an email to AdviceColumn@ConsciousLoving.com. We suggest you read Hints for Getting Your Advice Question Published.

Disclaimer: The advice on this blog is intended for informational, educational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing on this site should be construed as medical or psychiatric advice, nor is it a substitute for the care of licensed health professionals. In the event you use any of this advice for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

All original content on this site is copyrighted. Please contact us if you’d like permission to reprint anything. We are happy to share as long as prior request is made and full credit to the Author and ConsciousLoving.com is made.