Dear Judith,

I am a 43 year old man (never married) who is quite successful in all areas except dating. I am fairly attractive, make good money, have a nice house and drive an expensive car. My problem is that the women I want to date don’t want to date me, or they’ll go on one or two dates and then they get “busy”. One woman I saw last year said I was too “needy”. What can I do to improve my attractiveness to women?

Dating Man

Dear Dating Man,

I notice that your self-assessment focuses on strictly the physical/material plane: looks, money, car, house. What’s missing here? These are THINGS about you. WHO are YOU? Emotionally? Spiritually? Personally? What are your interests, hobbies, and delights outside of your material life? Where in your life do you give of yourself and your considerable material and personal gifts? If, indeed, you are “needy”, that bespeaks of a self-absorption (”look at me and all my things!”), and a habit of looking to others (a woman?) to fulfill you, interest you, love you, want you, etc, etc…This is NOT attractive in the long term to intelligent, lovely women!

An effective cure for “neediness” and self-absorption is becoming truly interested in others: volunteer time to a cause you believe in, take classes in a creative hobby that really interests you, give of yourself and your time to a project that enhances others’ lives. You will begin to fulfill your own neediness and in the process, quite likely meet many attractive, interesting persons. The most magnetic thing about a person, whether man or woman, is their aliveness, their creative expression, and their interest in and commitment to a greater purpose than themselves. Get movin’, kiddo! You’ve got a lot of living and exploring to do!
Sincerely,

To submit a question to the Advice Columnist, send us an email to AdviceColumn@ConsciousLoving.com. We suggest you read Hints for Getting Your Advice Question Published.

Disclaimer: The advice on this blog is intended for informational, educational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing on this site should be construed as medical or psychiatric advice, nor is it a substitute for the care of licensed health professionals. In the event you use any of this advice for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

All original content on this site is copyrighted. Please contact us if you’d like permission to reprint anything. We are happy to share as long as prior request is made and full credit to the Author and ConsciousLoving.com is made.