Dear Judith,

In a conscious relationship, is there such a thing as a taboo subject? My partner and I try really hard to be as open and honest as we can be about what we think and how we feel regarding everything. But there are a couple of issues where we think very differently and even trying to discuss them intellectually brings up lots of emotions for us. I don’t think we will ever see eye-to-eye on them and I’m just wondering if we should agree to avoid talking about them. Is that a good idea or is there a better way?

Open to Communicate

Dear Open to Communicate,
If the issues are values and morals issues, yes, you’d better clear them up. If a couple’s ideals and beliefs are significantly at odds, then there is going to be serious conflict. Examples:

Sheri’s values and morals are clearly monogamous and Life Commitment oriented. But Shawn values freedom and “open marriage” sexuality and believes commitment means “coming home to the one you love”…after the swingers’ party.

George believes “spare the rod, spoil the child” and is not adverse to using the corporal punishment that he grew up with on the kids. But Marcy believes hitting is abuse, values talking it over and using time-outs for discipline.

Both these relationships have fundamental belief conflicts that will likely cause severe conflict and will likely need some intense professional help to resolve if the marriage is going to be viable.

However, if your concerns are over opinions and ideas, sometimes it’s better to simply honor one another’s differences and appreciate that you’re not the Bobbsey Twins!
Sincerely,

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