Dear Judith,

You see I’ve met the perfect girl in the world. And though she currently she doesn’t have any feelings for me… I’ve vowed to become the perfect man for her. I put myself though anything and everything for her… give a little, take a little. To win her heart. And she says she just doesn’t know me well enough. And I try to hard to start a conversation. Today I would talk about the FIFA match. Korea against Italy. But what about tomorrow? And once the conversation with FIFA ended, I had nothing to say. I suppose I should start simple and talk to her. But I’m a very straight forward person. If I don’t ask it’s okay if she speaks and talks about herself. But she doesn’t. I try to talk about my life so maybe she’d join it. But she makes no attempt.

I’m the type of guy that would know what a girl’s feeling… when she’s feeling it… and how she’d respond to it… but with her… I’m pretty much considered lost within lost. An ant scrambling for something… anything… in a two ton anthill… Help?

Determined

Hate to tell you this, buddy, but “perfect” she isn’t. “Perfect” is in your imagination, and that’s about all you have with this perfect girl. It’s also awfully hard (like in impossible) to win a woman’s heart by talking about yourself, your interests, and especially by thinking that she’s perfect so you gotta have her. Girls — and Guys, for that matter — put on track shoes when “I’ve gotta have you’s” hit them. It’s great to be desired, to know someone really enjoys your company, is truly interested in YOU, your interests, your beliefs, etc.

But the interest has to be genuine — you cannot “become” the perfect anything for someone else. Just learn to be the very best you that you can be — develop your strengths, pay attention to and grow through your weaknesses, take classes in interpersonal communications and personal development, whatever it’s called at your school.

It’s easy for us to think we know other people and their feelings, but the only person we can honestly know is ourselves: YOUR feelings are the ONLY ones you can know accurately. A girl’s feelings you can only guess at, and most gals would much prefer being ASKED about their feelings than have someone try to mind-read them and blow it! It sounds like you might be wise to ask this young woman if she’d like to get better acquainted with you, or if she’s just not ready to become interested in a relationship at this time.

And HONOR her response to you. You cannot MAKE someone get interested in you — you only cause them to want distance if you pull them towards you!!
Sincerely,

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