Dear Judith,
i’m a 17 year old girl. During my 8 month relationship with my ex-boyfriend, i left him twice because i thought i wasn’t happy, and wanted someone else , and he was a little controlling, and since the last time we broke up (a few months ago), i’ve realized that i DON’T want anyone else, and that i love him and want to be with him and he’s treated me better than anyone! he says he still loves me too but doesn’t want to get back together right now. He has problems trusting me (which i totally understand). how do i make him know that i really love him and am trustworthy, as well as making him realize how much he loves me?

Wants to Be Trusted

Dear Wants to Be Trusted,

Yes, he has problems trusting you to stay in the relationship since you’ve left him twice in 8 months. And perhaps you weren’t ready to be in a relationship, and needed to explore different people and relationships — and maybe still do. You’re 17, and that’s a perfect age to experience life, dating, friends and boyfriends, go to school, get a job, LEARN about Life & men & __________(fill in the blank). Making premature commitments is a major contributor to broken hearts and broken relationships. This is a good time for both of you to date and discover your own likes and dislikes in relationships.

You can’t MAKE him know anything, realize anything…you can demonstrate your caring for him by BEING caring towards him. Without allowing yourself to be controlled, be attentive to his feelings and needs. For him to feel you are trustworthy, you need to demonstrate “trust-ablity” by being scrupulously honest with him. Trust is earned through doing what you say you’ll do, being where you say you’ll be, telling the truth with sensitivity and care, being loyal and “up front” with your honey and everyone else about your relationship. He will realize the degree of his love on his own, as you focus on caring , honesty, sensitivity, & good communications.
Sincerely,

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