Dear Judith,

I am currently separated from my wife, and recently met up with a girl I went to high school with 25 yrs ago. She too is separated and divorce is pending. She is so sweet. I have seen her several times and we have had one date. I feel she is actually the perfect woman and want to see her more. I get the feeling she wants to see me too but I think she is also a little wary of relationships right now. Maybe I should ask her position on that? I am not sure if I’m being too close to her too fast or not.

Unsure

Dear “Unsure,”

First: You’re separated, so what are you going to do about your current, legal relationship? This is essential to deal with, because she is likely to be rather wary of getting involved with someone who’s “on the fence” as far as being available to become truly involved in a new relationship.

Second: Ask her how SHE feels about spending time with you, how much time is she ready to spend, and what her needs are at this time.

Third: Listen well, respect her needs, and know that anyone coming out of a marriage or long term relationship (you too) needs time to find themselves and discover who they are before getting into couplehood again. Good luck!
Sincerely,

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