Dear Judith,

I’ve been in a ‘relationship’ with someone for about two years now — thing is he has a girlfriend. I know it’s wrong, but cliche as it is, I love him with all my heart.

All that time he has been telling me how much he loves me — but I made a point of making sure he didn’t dump his girlfriend for me. I never felt worthy enough. About two weeks ago he said he loved me but it was never romantic — it was always platonic. But he is contradicting himself, he’s already told me that he loves me more than his girlfriend or any woman he’s been romantically involved with — two days ago he kissed me and told me how much he loves me — I’m so confused. It seems like he still loves me, but he’s pushing me away, and I don’t know why. Am I just kidding myself about all of this? I feel so

Cheap

Dear “Cheap,”

I certainly can understand confused! Kidding yourself? Probably, depending on just what you are really telling yourself. It’s nice that you made a point of making sure he didn’t dump his girlfriend — but that has nothing to do with your feeling worthy or unworthy. How could you possibly trust someone who would “dump” one person for another — you? Because you know who gets dumped the next time around, don’t you? And could you have respect for yourself if you participated in his “dumping” activity — let alone respect for him? I wonder about the character of a fellow who has a “girlfriend” but keeps telling his “non-girlfriend” or “platonic girlfriend” that he loves HER — loves her more than his girlfriend, and he keeps doing this for TWO YEARS?? And you believe him? I kinda think that does fall into the category of self-fooling, don’t you? Either he has no backbone to end a non-working relationship or he delights in having two women on the string and giving less than his best to either. What do you think?

Either way he is NO prize, my dear. You are WORTHY of much better, IF you get your act together and stop kidding yourself that you love this unfaithful, duplicitous, untruthful, disrespectful, unloving player. I’m afraid we usually feel “cheap” when we are out of integrity and/or not being honest with ourselves. YOU are not cheap, but are you really treating yourself as though you were precious and worthy of a truly loving, honourable relationship?

Sincerely,

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