Dear Judith,

Hi, my dilemma is this, I’ve been friends with Martha for 3 yrs now, & grew really close 2 her over the summer, she has been seeing someone though not serious, anyways I’ve told Martha how I felt about her, she seemed to feel the same way also then I found out she had spent the night at this guys house, I became very upset & left her a rather un-flattering note on her doorstep, displaying my disappointment in her… it’s been a month now & I haven’t heard from her, even though I’ve tried to apologize to her, even have sent her gifts, but no response!

Should I keep trying or just count my losses here? Because she’s leaving next month in deployment for the navy.

CONFUSED in JAX

Dear “Confused in JAX,”

What do you think there is for you to learn here, O confused one? Jumping to conclusions about someone’s behaviour, then leaving unflattering notes on their doorstep are hardly mature or endearing actions! Apologies are good, but, depending on what you actually said, you seem to have done some pretty significant damage here that isn’t being cleared. If your note was abusive — insulting, damaging, or harmful — then nothing short of making some foundational changes in how you treat people is likely to make a difference.

No matter what someone else does, abusive language and/or actions are NEVER justified. If she’s leaving for an extended period, some space in the “friendship” may be just what is needed while you put some attention on GROWING UP and developing some self-restraint and courtesy. Perhaps when she returns you could demonstrate that you’ve developed some maturity and respect for others even when you are in disagreement with them. Good luck!
Sincerely,

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