At PAX, we think of femininity as qualities inherent in every woman. Whether or not a woman develops and expresses these qualities is up to her. To more easily gain access to these qualities we group them in archetypes; making them easier to see. The archetypes are the Temptress, the Mother and the Queen. So far we have written about the Temptress and the Mother.
The Queen includes the qualities of vision and purpose for her life. She is generous and serene. She is concerned with empowerment ˆ the ability to give power while losing none. She has a unique ability to understand other people. Perhaps most importantly, she has an enormous capacity to receive. She is influential and powerful in a uniquely feminine way.
While the Mother focuses on an individual, the Queen focuses on everyone in a group. We call the group her Realm. It is very important for a woman to define her Realm. If she doesn’t, she will attempt to give her greatness to everyone in her path and become exhausted.
In contrast to the Mother, who focuses on what people need, the Queen is paying attention to the future or quality of life for her Realm. You could call this her “vision.” We call it the Queen’s Noble Purpose. To discover your Noble Purpose, think of the qualities about which you are most passionate. What is it that you passionately want people to have in their lives? Is it freedom? Self-expression? Vitality? Integrity? The possibilities are too numerous to list. Your Noble Purpose may be made up of several excellent qualities.
As you can see already, the Queen’s existence is far above the normal, everyday scratching out of survival. Her life serves a loftier purpose, which is why others serve her. Both men and women will naturally find themselves trying to serve a woman with Queenly qualities. The Queen also inspires respect and admiration. Hers are those feminine qualities that make a man strive to be the best man he can be (think of Jack Nicholson in “As Good As It Gets”). The Queen’s recognition empowers him, giving him the energy and daring to attempt ever-larger feats.
The best way to think about how men respond to the Queen is with the word “provide.” She inspires men to provide for her. Men are natural providers and many are looking for someone worthy and able to receive their gifts. There are many things men seek to provide for the Queen. If able, they will provide whatever they perceive she needs. They will do what they think will make her happy. They will support her purpose and, if an opportunity arises, help her realize her vision.
Beware: Because the Queen inspires men to provide, many women strive to be her all the time. If you do this, your results will disappoint you. Men need all aspects of femininity. They provide for the Queen, but they participate with the Temptress, and get the nurturing they need from the Mother. While the Queen embodies the greatness of women, we are all more complex and delightful than she. It is our ability to be the Temptress, the Mother and the Queen that continues to mystify men!
To nurture the Queen you were born to be:
1. Define your Realm. We do this in the Celebrating Women workshop, but to get you started, think about who is nearest and dearest to you. Then think about the people you want to influence or to whom you want to contribute. These two groups would make up your Realm.
2. It is difficult, if not impossible, to be feminine and exhausted at the same time. Work less and rest more (where have you read that before?).
3. Develop your ability to receive. Start with the two most important aspects: Breathing and Noticing. Breathing is a physical act of receiving. When presented with a gift or contribution, consciously take a deep breath and accept the gift within yourself. Noticing is the heart of receiving. Notice the details of the gift, whether it is a compliment, an object, or a meal. Notice the spirit of the gift; the feeling and caring with which it is given. Notice the contribution of the gift to your life; how it changes that moment or day or particular experience. Then speak what you notice.
4. Consider some different kinds of New Year’s resolutions. Instead of losing weight or making more money, resolve to take better care of yourself, or to be the kind of person you admire, or to give your Realm the best of you, instead of what is left over.
PAX has an entire weekend workshop to give women access to their Queenliness. We address each of the qualities of vision and purpose, generosity, serenity, empowerment, great understanding, and a quantum leap in your ability to receive. If you are intrigued by who you could be, we encourage you to participate in one of the Celebrating Women: Regarding Ecstasy & Power programs being offered in the next few months. These workshops are for graduates of the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women® workshop and build upon the foundation built there. See the Pax calendar for more information.
© 2003 Pax Programs Incorporated. Reprinted by permission of the author.